Word of the Gay

*Straight talk on Gay language, one word at-a-time.

Archive for Female

#27 “m4m/w4w”

Gay men and women will oftentimes resort to uncommon practices in the attempt to find love, or in some cases, a quick fuck.  The internet has provided many people with a fast and efficient tool in finding one or the other, and in the process, a new language has been born.

Shortening words and phrases to simply a few letters is an easy way to get your point across in a short amount of time.  To learn this new short-hand, all you need to do is visit a site like craigslist.org or manhunt.net, and you will be fluent in a matter of days.

1. verb: man for man / woman for woman; used in the search for a sexual partner online


#17 “coming out”

The phrase “coming out” (short for “coming out of the closet“), seeks to encapsulate the process by which lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) people make their sexuality known to other people. Over the past few decades, the phrase has become a battle cry for individuals who champion equal rights for gay people. And for many, it has become synonymous with feelings of empowerment, courage and truth.

The phrase comes directly from “skeletons in the closet,” meaning secrets that are kept away from public knowledge due to shame, fear or embarrassment. Bringing those secrets out into the open, or “out of the closet” can then been seen as a way in which to overcome adversity or shame. Related is the phrase “outing,” which refers to the involuntary act of having your sexuality made public.

There are many more gay people out today than ever before, and a current trend is emerging, where being “in the closet” (or, not concealing your sexuality), is understood to be very unhealthy or destructive to the individual. Most LGBT advocacy groups encourage living an “out” lifestyle and advocate for programs that assist people in the “coming out” process.

The epic dance disco track, “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross has been heralded as a gay “anthem,” if not THE gay anthem. It was said to have been inspired after the song’s writer witnessed drag queens dressing up and impersonating The Disco Queen in California discos.

– verb
1. the process by which a gay person makes their sexuality public.
2. a voluntary submission of one’s sexuality, usually with an association with LGBTQ

[Related: outed, outing]

#16 “fag hag”

“Fag hag” is a term near and dear to this author’s heart. The term “fag hag” relates, most specifically, to a straight woman that associates with, or is very close to, a gay man or men. It is usually used in a derogatory manner, but has been embraced by many women as a positive self-identifying trait.  In some circles, being a Fag Hag represents a status symbol among straight women who champion LGBT equality and rights.

As a member of a gay-straight alliance founded by a self-proclaimed hag, I am particularly interested in everything “fag hag.” SWiSH (Straight Women in Support of Homos) is an example of an organization that focuses on the perspective of a “fag hag.”

Poplar stand-up comedienne and satirist, Margaret Cho offered some very entertaining passages about her experience as a self-proclaimed “fag hag” in her 2000 one-woman act, “I’m The One That I Want.” Essentially, behind every gay man is a steadfast and supportive fag hag – a woman that guides gay men from the tumultuous and exciting days of “coming out” into the golden years of gayhood.


1. a woman who is closely related to, or feels a strong connection to, gay men.

2. a person, male or female (gay or straight) that advocates on the behalf of gay people or is surrounded by all things gay.

[Related: beard, dyke Mike, dyke tyke]

#14 “dykin’ out”

Similar in many ways to “queening out,” “dykin’ out” refers to women exhibiting stereotypical gay traits or mannerisms. Commonly used to describe an instance when a straight woman experiments with lesbian sex, or when two straight women share intimate moments together.

This term is used primarily by gay men or straight women in a flippant manner, and is most often uttered to solicit a laugh.

#7 “breeder”

“Breeder” is a slang term that gay people use when describing straight people in either a derogatory or humorous manner. It is drawn from animal husbandry; implying that heterosexual sexual contact has more to do with reproduction than anything else.


1. a derogatory term used to describe straight people in light of their ability to reproduce

: “Look at this place. It used to be so cool, and now it’s filled with a bunch of breeders.”